I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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