she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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