I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
