dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
