I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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