Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
