You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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