Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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