I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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