sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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