is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
