Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
