your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
