Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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