i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
