Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
