Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
