If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
