you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
