My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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