Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
