Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
