I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
