No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
