i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
