If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
