You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
