PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
