He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
