So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dick pics just arenāt doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Couldāve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another manās cock... but there it is...
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