He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
