I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
