I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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