so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
