dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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