I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
