the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize