I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
