My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he shaved USA in his pubs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
