so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
