You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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