that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
