I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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