So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I had to cum in my sink.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
