good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
