I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize