if i can run in heels then i can drive
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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