nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
