My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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