final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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