I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize