Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
