i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you have to choose: penises or morals?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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