you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
