The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need a beard to bite.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
