You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
