She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
