Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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