i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
