All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I supernannyed him into submission
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
