remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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