i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
