it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
