She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
