I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
