shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
