He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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