girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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