idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
