Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize