I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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