K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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