so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
