is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You may now shotgun with the bride
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
