The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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