It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
