Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
