My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
