from now on my penis is your penis
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
