Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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