loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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