Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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