I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
