Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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