I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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