I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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