You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
