I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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