my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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