he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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