Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
