Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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