Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
