Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
