woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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