iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
