I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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