The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
