sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize