i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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